Am I guilty if I don't feel strong enough to move internationally for missions?

by Nicole
(Australia)

Hi, my husband is an evangelist and church planter. We have been married 22 years and moved into 6 countries and 38 times moved house, sometimes for ministry, sometimes for work or business. I have a 6 and 12 year old. They hate moving. I promised my husband before we got married that I will travel with him for the Gospel. I am now 41 and my health has suffered a lot. I can't hold a job because I am too weak, I can look after the family and that's about it. I am also recovering from a burnout from a very intense mission work overseas. He found a job teaching English in China where he can also evangelize and plant churches and would like me to either let him go there for 2 months or move with the family there. I can't even fathom the thought of an international move now. Also, I am not sure I could handle living somewhere where few people spoke English, same for my children. I feel weak in my spirit, mind, emotions and body. My husband seems to feel that he can't do anything because of me. I am willing to say yes to him being 2 months away from the family, though none of us like it. I feel guilty sometimes that maybe I am holding my husband back. Other times I feel I am not considerate towards his dreams because I want the safety and security of living in Australia, simply because I feel I can't bear doing another international move with my level of strength.

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