Are You Thinking about Having an Affair?
I will of course write this post without identification. I have been the Pastor of a small country church with an average attendance of 50-75 people on Sunday morning for almost 20 years. 5 years ago my marriage was in shambles. I knew I was in trouble...that we were in trouble. I approached my wife several times expressing my pain but it fell on deaf ears. She was cold, distant, and completely without affection. I kept trying to tell her I was in serious pain but she just didn't seem to care. So, long story short, I had an affair with a woman from our church. It lasted about 2 months and just like the prodigal son in the pig pen I came to myself and completely put a stop to it. This woman didn't want to stop and it was like pulling teeth to get her to leave me alone. About 4 months after I put an end to that stupidity her husband found phone records where we had talked several times at odd hours and it was brought before the church but I never admitted to cheating. I justified my silence with the knowledge that I stopped it before anyone suspected it. I can honestly say that this was the single most painful experience of my life and that I have never repented so hard over anything. It's been 5 years, and I am just now starting to forgive myself. And all the while I have remained Pastor, stayed in my marriage, and kept moving forward. It wasn't easy and it left a serious scar, but I am victorious. The reason I wanted to share my story is for any of you who might be in the same place I was 5 years ago. I love my wife with my whole heart. I did then too. I just didn't know what to do to ease my pain and the path I chose couldn't have been more wrong. If you are in the same place let me remind you that JESUS knows! He really can help you. I have wished so many times that I never made that mistake and while I know that I am forgiven I will bear those scars (and they run deep) for the rest of my life. Trust me on this...it isn't worth it. Keep your eyes on the prize and DO NOT allow the enemy to blind you. God bless you all!