Cowboy preacher who's wife wants to leave the marriage and the ministry

by Cowboy Preacher

How do I deal with a wife for 20 years who no longer loves her husband? We have been in the ministry for two years and she wants to leave me and the ministry. She wants no part of helping others. She shows no affection towards me and at this point, we no longer do much of anything together. I know in my heart I should stay with her, but on the other hand I would love for another companion to come along side and share some of the same interests and have a passion for seeking and saving the lost. I am a cowboy preacher who is seeking help and sound Godly advice.....

Comments for Cowboy preacher who's wife wants to leave the marriage and the ministry

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Take time out to talk
by: Anonymous

The others have given you some excellent advice. I would encourage you to sit down with your wife and talk about how she sees the future. What does she want changed and see if you can come to an agreement about the future and how to move forward in your ministry and marriage.

You mention that she shows you no affection that is always concerning in a marriage. I encourage you to seek godly counsel as others have said your wife and marriage must come before the ministry. She wants to be a priority in your life.

Could you take time off the ministry to spend together and talk about what it would take to keep the marriage together and move forward?

Praying for healing and restoration.

view from the other side
by: Anonymous

I am a pastor's husband. I'm ready to walk out on my marriage. As a pastor's spouse, I wonder if there is any difference in her faith life and career. We have been to counseling over and over. She is so emotionally invested in the church and there is nothing left for me.

All my whining aside, I think there is a way to set it right. God should be first always. We all should nurture a relationship with God that fills our "cup to overflowing". Let me be clear, putting God first does not mean putting the church first. That over flowing cup should spill out on both spouses, and from there the children. Only then can the pastor family be a reservoir for effective ministry.

Check your heart and motives
by: Bill

To hear you say that " you would love another companion to come alongside" indicates to me that you have your priorities mixed up. God would not call you to Pastor then switch wives in the midst of that calling.

Your wife comes first. Dump the church, church people will love you one day and then throw you under the bus the next. Your family will always be there. If your pastoring is really God's will for you, rest assured God will change her heart and deal with her.

Your Marriage Comes Before the Pastorate
by: Kelly

To my brother the Cowboy Preacher:

God has not called you to sacrifice your marriage for the ministry. Your wife and children must come first. The day my wife tells me she can no longer be married to a pastor is the day I know I must leave the pastorate. I may not be able to leave that day, but I will begin moving toward other work in an effort to save my marriage. Being in the ministry is an unimaginable strain on a marriage, far more so than many other vocations. Our lives, marriages, children, personal habits, and personalities are under constant scrutiny. Not all women can handle the pressure this places on a marriage.

First, make sure your own heart is right with Christ. Are you harboring secret fantasies about leaving your wife? Were you to do this and try to find “another companion to come alongside you” rest assured God would not bless such a course of action. Since God brought you and your wife together 20 years ago, He would have you to first be reconciled to your wife. If this involves leaving the pastorate then so be it. Do all you can to be reconciled to your wife. Assure her of your commitment to your marriage. Your willingness to leave the pastorate for her will speak volumes about your love and devotion to her and will be a healthy first step toward winning her back.

Know that leaving the pastorate is not leaving the ministry. Countless churches need lay leaders to preach and minister. Not being a pastor will remove some of the strain from your marriage.
Best wishes to you and you are in my prayers. Please let us know how this all works out for you.


God, Family, Ministry
by: Anonymous

Your priority after God is your wife - leave the ministry if that's what she desires. I have seen many couples enter the ministry without being fully aware of the demands of being a pastor and the pressures that it brings on a wife and a married couple. God still does and will love you even if you aren't in pastoral ministry.

Showing her that you value her above the ministry may take time but ultimately may be what it takes to win back her affections.

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