Deacon Issues

by Jeff
(WI)

The other night I was "given the riot act" by a deacon at our church (who has turned in her resignation) and I just feel personally attacked (probably because I was). She accused me of being many things of which I do not personally and those close to me think I am. She said I was never in my office, I go back home (my immediate family lives 800 miles away) too much (twice in a year to be exact) and other things that really hurt. I am really trying to work through this as I am questioning my calling and worse yet I do not trust many people in my church. Any help and advice would be helpful.

Comments for Deacon Issues

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Update
by: Jeff

Thank you everyone for your responses. After a year of literal Hell I am in a much better place as a Pastor. I am still in the same church and the Deacon who read me the riot act has since left and she took a few people with her. This hurt at first but now I feel our church is back on the road to healing. We are low in numbers but I am seeing individuals coming to the Church and some even coming to faith in Christ. I am praying God will send his Spirit to this Church so we can grow more. I have a Deacon Board who actually supports and works with me. A Trustee Board that is enthusiastic and optimistic. I have received some mentoring from a few friends and older Pastors. God has been good and it has been a tough ride but I believe God has told me to "Stay". So I am and I ask you pray with me for His Spirit to come and that we would experience a Gospel Renewal like this Church has never seen before.

Jeff

Recently attacked by a deacon
by: W

Brother, know you are not alone. I was recently attacked by a deacon in my church... in the parking lot... 10 minutes before service... on Easter Sunday. It was a list of things he didn't like, and being the "family patriarch" of a small church, he felt like "what I say goes and you need to conform".

I had been thinking of leaving for a few months. Praying, losing sleep, etc., etc. To make a (very) long story short, here's what I learned from the experience: Accept God's direction. I asked Him for an answer, and I got it in the clear way - exactly what I had asked Him for.

Peace will come from listening to God. If He is saying go...go. If He is saying stay... stay. Know that true peace - real peace - will only come from listening carefully to Him. You are in our prayers.


Pastoral persecution
by: Patrick

It is so distressing to be attacked personally. Been there, done that, many times. Even had someone lying about me to her relatives in the church. It certainly makes one want to turn in the towel.

A few thoughts.

First, the attack from this woman is essentially about her and her own personality disorder. It is not about you. Not that that makes it hurt less.

Second, in my opinion, personal attacks are inevitable at times. The words of the Sermon on the Mount come to mind: "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Again, it doesn't make it hurt less, but it helps remind one to draw strength from the One we serve.

Third, I recall that before I entered seminary almost 40 years ago, I had serious doubts because of how mean people seemed to be to pastors at times. An old pastor of mine reminded me that if people in churches were full of charity, there really wouldn't be much of a need for pastors to help lead them out of their nastiness. It makes sense, I suppose.

However, I also don't think one needs to put up with character assassination. If you have trusted advisers in your church, discuss with them how this is wrong, and how you need their help in supporting you and defending you against such bullying tactics.

All the best,

Patrick.

Thanks
by: Anonymous

I am the Senior Pastor and I don't have a supervisor. I do have friends who are pastors and have lent me their ears. I am using this situation to grow and emerge from this a better person.

Thanks for your input.

Lambasted By Deacon
by: Liz Levesque

Hello,
What happened to you sucks. You didn't state what your position is in your church. Are you the senior pastor? If not, can you go to him? A deacon should not do that to someone. Are you on staff? I would go to my supervisor, or if you are the senior pastor/minister, to the superintendent. Often, someone who blasts someone else and then quits is really not quitting over the person they blasted. They usually have been under pressure or stress for a long time, then they blow, and the blowing up at a person, releases the valve, so they can either have a pretext to quit, or they can stay and talk through their bombastic tirade. Either way, it doesn't feel good to be the target of someone's rage. I would talk to your supervisor about it. It is normal to not trust some people in the church. After these things there is always a lot of "talk" and "murmuring" which is so uncomfortable. It will take some time before you stop feeling bad. Get around people who like you and affirm you. Peace. Liz+

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