Emotional Distress

by Pastor K

Hello - Assistant Pastor of a Small Church in the Northwest. I married my wife 10 years ago, we have both known the Lord since our Teens. My wife has never treated me very well, among other things she has cut me off emotionally for the past 7 years since our last miscarriage. Without going into detail we haven't had the greatest marriage and she has always refused any form of counseling. At this point in my life I am fully ready to stay committed to the promise I made to her on our wedding day. I have never broken our vows, and I pray I never will.

Since finishing seminary and being hired on at a church, I find myself gravitating towards people who fulfill my emotional needs that my wife has never provided for me. I purposely do my best to seek out men for this, but I will admit there are a few women whom I enjoy their company. I am VERY careful to place boundaries when I am around these women, such as very public places and large groups. I excuse myself anytime by circumstance I end up alone with one of these women that I feel emotionally drawn to.

I am struggling with guilt. In my heart I believe fully that I have not broken my vow to my wife, but I am torn by the fact that I feel so loved and accepted by people (men and women) other than her.

I have brushed the subject about this with my wife, but she tells me I'm being weak and to "man-up." Does anyone out there feel like it is weakness to be wanted by other believers? Is it sin to seek out men or women to meet the emotional needs that your spouse cannot? With proper boundaries is it appropriate to allow yourself to feel cherished by someone of the opposite gender who isn't your spouse?

I'm am sorry to open up and vent... But I would love your Prayer and wisdom.....


Comments for Emotional Distress

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by: Anonymous

I can relate to what you are saying. I think there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex as long as you place perimeters up and have safeguards that protect you. For example, you can always include your wife, or at
least keep her informed at all times. Don't ever
meet with this person alone and uphold your wife with high esteem. For example, I meet with other
men for breakfast in a local cafe and there has
been times that there have been single women meet with us. They were friends of the other men who
were single that met with us. I became to know them and they have used our food pantry ministry
at our church when they came in need!!!

Again, as a married minister, I keep my safeguards up as a high priority when ministering to the opposite sex in whatever capacity!!!

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