Happy hour is more Christ-like
When I told my parents that I felt called to the ministry my mother was devastated. My father, a pastor himself, pretended to be proud. I was hurt then by their response but I understand now by my experience.
I don't like being a pastor anymore. I dread Sundays. I hate getting up on Sunday mornings.
I am on anti-depressants after suffering for a year with anxiety issues. God's people in my church are abusive. It is almost funny how the few encouragers in my church wind up dying too soon. I wish, pray for, and hope to have more funerals, but only for the right people.
I totally understand why many do not attend church. I wouldn't go if I didn't have this ridiculous 'calling'. In fact, I feel more at home with those who attend a local pub during happy hour. I feel more comfortable with 'sinners' than I do with church people. Actually I think I resent church people.
In my area it feels as though Christianity is more an aspect of local culture than an extension of spiritual experience and revealed truth. Congregations look the same, are of the same race, and share the same political party. Other ministers in my area suffer as well. They come to me for my services as a licensed counselor. Each suffering is unique to each pastor and the congregations which abuse them. This ministry ignites in me an anger I struggle with daily to overcome.
My wife is my rock and sole encourager. I trust no one else but her. She is a gift from God and one of the very few reasons I continue to hold on to my faith and calling.
I have an ex wife who's really Satan's sister, of which he apparently has many...and brothers too. She thought one of my deacon's sons would make her more happy. This son had the pedigreed name of the select few in the church. So, I suffer now with the backlash of projected guilt on the part of those who share this pedigree. I guess certain people with the right pedigree are immune to moral failure and sin and, thus, repentance and humility. I wish I was as fortunate.
But I am not. I am the lucky few called to suffer as Christ suffered. Hogwash!
He had the peace of oneness and 'dikaisune' righteousness while He suffered. None of what these 'Godly' people do is right. I feel less compelled to ask their forgiveness to God and more inclined to find a whip, turn over some tables, and run a few of 'em out who've forgotten that church isn't their inherited country club.
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