Here Again

by chris
(usa)

I am on leave from my pastorate after enduring a number of extreme panic attacks in my last days "on the job." In my denomination, it is a requirement for me to remain connected to a church (not one I ever pastored) in order to keep my ordination status. I have made it clear to the ministers in this church and to superiors in my denomination that my family and I are struggling terrible -- financial issues, severe psychiatric issues, stress, depression, etc. -- but we have yet to receive one phone call or visit since the week 10 months ago that I left my pastorate. I receive no disability. My depression has spiraled more and more out of control, and I feel worse now and less connected to everything than I did 10 months ago.
I have been in therapy and taking meds. Nothing I have seen has helped me find a path that looks like it leads to hope. I can't do anything now but expect to be lonely and sad and suffering forever.

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