I tried so hard

by Steve
(Ontario)

I've been in ministry off and on for 10 years now, 3 different churches.

This last church I fulfilled my requirements of working 52 hours a week but found it difficult to meet with everybody as well as actually spend time with my family. Since it's with a different culture I also find it difficult to understand what they're telling me and they just told me (after 5 years) that they don't understand my sermons.

Last year I was raked over the coals at the pastoral review, and was counseled by others to leave the church, but because of my desire to try my best and see changes done so they can grow I stayed another year. The pastoral review this year mentioned nothing about the problems of the previous year but a whole new set including my sermons, Sunday School classes, visitation, and organization, with no clear examples of how I've failed in these areas. I'm now on 3 months probation with termination in view.

I now feel like those who are in leadership do not respect me as the numbers are dwindling and I'm no longer called a pastor by the other pastors.

I'm scared, hurting, and feeling the yolk of the world constantly pushed back on me soon after I give it to God. I thank God for my wife and God's word.

I don't know if I'm in the wrong, but I have to protect my family. Why can't I stop crying???

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