Losing my Faith....

by Jaycee
(Florida)

Call me "Jaycee"..(not my real name)
Been pastoring youth for about 12 years now. Joined my current church a couple years ago. From the 'get go' I was like "God....why this church?" But, wanted to follow God and I knew this church was where he wanted me. The church is very 'dry' when it comes to the spirit. So much so that it's probably part of my problem. Other parts of me think about just walking away from God, the Church, everything. I have always worked regular jobs to make a living, never on church payroll. Sure I would love to be, but that has never worked out. The thought of a full time job in ministry right now... doesn't even excite me. Sometimes I feel like a 'fake' because I'm that burned out over things. Even this past Sunday as the pastor got a little emotional on stage, I'm sitting there saying to myself "I'm so done with this!"
Then I ask myself..... what would I do?? I'd be miserable... As soon as one service is over I'm thinking about the next... but when I go through the years of lessons I've done... I look at the last date used '2004, 2007, 2011, etc and think.... what new twist can I put on this sermon to make it 'fresh' again!
Working full time I have very little time to write sermons from scratch. I'll search the internet for outlines or go through my library of old stuff and roll with it. I can remember when my heart was in it. I would be looking forward to preaching because I believed I could make a difference. Now.. I feel like I'm just going through the motions... putting on my own show of passion and emotion, and by the time I'm driving home I'm asking myself... how much longer can I keep this charade up!

So tired.... so 'done' with church........ I dunno

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Perspective
by: Pastor Rick

I am also a pastor, of 23 years now. On more than one occasion I have asked "why this church," and each time I have been given an answer (in God's timing).

I have found that God often sends His servants to a certain place, not because of what He will do through them, but more specifically what He will do to them. You can never blame your own dryness on that of the congregation. You are sent to help lead them, not for them to lead you.

Know that these times of refinement are for a specific purpose. The refiner's fire is used to drive out weakness and impurity, so that your life can shine with His presence.

I will tell you one thing that is a must. You must break the habit of surfing the web for sermons. You must practice the craft of coming up with sermons. There is something unique about you, and God wants to use that. But to use it, you must exercise and develop it! Churches are weakening because of preachers that are borrowing (or stealing) material from others and not doing the very real work of sermon prep.

Feed you soul, but also feed your mind! Read, read, and read some more. There are many great resources online. Many world class lecturers now have their material online. Find them, and expose your mind to new and deeper ideas. Don't just read people that you agree with (because you don't learn much from them). Sample ideas from farther outside your comfort zone, even from those you disagree with. It will force you to think...and perhaps even to learn.

And know that through it all, your fellow servants will be praying for you.

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