Miserable but can't afford to quit.

by TY
(California)

I am a pastor who came out of the First Generation Asian Church because of how political it was and joined an independent church and finally felt at home. I could give myself to the ministry and not the politics. However, politics always seem to find their way to the church and I church planted and it was a great time of learning and growth but it wasn't to be forever and after praying I felt God leading me back into the First Generation Church. My worst nightmare but being out of work for almost a year it seemed like the place to be and I did feel led and God opened a door. Now, it's been a few years and I'm absolutely miserable. Politics rule again and you need a whole committee just to change a light bulb. You pastors know what I'm talking about and I've been really depressed and struggling. I feel I've lost my passion for the ministry and worse, passion for Christ. I felt he called me to 2nd generation Asian ministry, but then why am I here? Why were all other doors closed? So I feel so discouraged and depressed, struggling to make sense of things that may never be explained to me. I just can't quit either in these difficult economic times. I'm thankful to have a position, but it's so difficult to remain joyful when everything I feel is my strength is not desired in a church that only embraces the traditional things of the past church. Now my ministry suffers, my home life suffers. Am I supposed to "learn" some lesson here before God releases me? Am I to know what it's like to work in an environment that is just so difficult so that when I preach to those in the workplace I preach with humility and with experience? The fire is almost out and that's scary because I've been called and doing ministry for over 20 years.