Hi,----------------------------------------This site is called Pastor Burnout, but it is for every pastor and minister who is hurting for whatever reason.
I've been in the ministry now for about 5 yrs and been serving God for at least 13 yrs. But like you were, I'm on antidepressants. I've been depressed most of my life (I'm 33 yrs old). I tried to commit suicide a year & a half ago which is when I was diagnosed with clinical depression.
In the really dark place in my life that I was in, which worsened before I went onto the antidepressants, I fell morally and slept around. No one knows... and I've tried making peace with God about it. But to be honest, I'm struggling to forgive myself! And distant feeling from God that I have is making me question my salvation!
I know the bible talks severally against sexual immorality but if I’m honest with you, I found sex as a release to the depression – which isn’t an excuse and I’m really not trying to justify it. My sinful nature got the better of me and I did wrong…
I really don’t know what to do!?!? The thought of leaving the ministry often plagues my mind, as I feel I’m no longer worthy of being apart of building God’s Church…
I never want to hurt the church but feel I’ve already done this and as I said earlier, I just can’t seem to forgive myself.
I do realise that your website offers support for burnt out pastors, so I might be making myself vulnerable up the wrong alley. But if you have any advice or can point me in the right direction to gain perspective, I would really appreciate it. I’ve tried looking for online forums but find the advice and opinions to be too formulaic, if that makes sense? And please don’t miss understand me for criticising.
Thanks for your honesty and realness you offer on your site. It’s encouraging.
Your story resonates so deeply with me that my eyes were full of tears as I read your heartbreaking story. Thank you for your honesty. I hope it gives others the freedom and boldness to share their stories.
And please know that what you've written is completely anonymous. I don't even know who you are, where you live, or anything about you other than what you describe in your story.
I am the East Michigan Director of PastorCare - an organization which seeks out and supports pastors just like you. We are missionaries and do our work free of charge. If you would allow me, I would like to talk to you. I know it is difficult to break your silence, but you can be confident that anything you say to me is completely confidential.
If you would like to talk to me, you can use the private contact me
form and give me your phone number. Or, if you'd rather not give out that information, you can contact me
with your email address and I'll send you my personal phone number so you can call me.
My heart breaks for you, and I will do whatever I can to walk with you through this difficult time.