Never Good Enough
Its been 16 years or will be in Oct 2011 and I am walking away from the pastorate. I used to love preaching, the study, the drafting, the ability to share the Word in a way that brought joy. Then 2 years ago it started to go wrong. A patriarch of the church who had been angry at every pastor decided to start attacking my sermons, my leadership. So I started working harder and harder, he gained momentum, amd joined forces with an angry woman who never mourned her husband's death. She attacked my visitation, not good enough, so I started working harder and harder.
They joined forces with an elderly couple who didn't like the way the children's minsitry was done, so I worked harder at that.
I gained weight, couldn't sleep without sleeping pills, needed antidepressants.
Finally this year I became ill, the same people who wanted me to work harder and harder were angry at me, in great pain (two herniated discs) I continued on. No one offered help to me or my family.
One day I walked into my office to face emails from my persecutors, long ago they stopped calling me pastor, and just addressed the email to "YOU"
I fell apart, crying and shaking uncontrolably. My husband came to get me and since that day I have not been back. My resignation letter is written. They have already stopped paying me, won't help with health insurance while I heal and so its done.
Don't know that I will ever again trust the people in the pews.
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