No More Trust

by Vernon Goldstone
(Durban South Africa)

I have been a pastor and Itinerant speaker for twenty five years. My biggest challenge during that time was finances. Secondarily I married twice and am on my third marriage. Although on the road I seem to attract huge crowds espeacially unbelievers. My main thrust is the revelation of Jesus Christ- My aim is for people to walk away saying I KNOW the truth about calvary and who Jesus is. On my journeys I have had bouts of a double life style, namely prostitutes, pornography and occasional drink particularly when I am under heavy stress. Now I have died. I told my wife everything. Mistrust looms over me and I feel I will never be trusted by both God and man. As I lay here in abject poverty with nothing-my wife not talking. Many who have been in my shoes have died physically. I have long I refuse to communicate with my kids as I have no money to give them or support them. Although I stopped my clandestine double life a long time ago. I am reaping - painfully dreadfully with only the thought of suicide or becoming as we say in South Africa a boemelaar or hobo in the streets. Those who don't know still trust me and call me by titles of a bygone glory. I am dispirited unkempt and completely discouraged. This is a man who once walked with notable preachers. I write this here as I trust no one. I have given a four hundred member church to others and walked away. What do I do?

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The mercy of God
by: slowbutsure

I feel for you my friend. I think your only focus should be on walking with integrity before the Lord and doing what is right in all situations by Him.

There is grace and mercy always. But what we must be careful of is false repentance that leads to death. I have personally learnt the painful difference between self pity and repentance. We must avoid self pity (manifested in self destructive behaviours) and throw ourselves on the mercy of God. The outcome is His to command.

Life will be over soon for everyone who is currently alive. We are a breath, thats all. Being right with God, is our only hope in all things. Praying for you brother.

Forgiveness
by: Anonymous

You must trust in God. you may do wrong you may sadden him. He loves you regardless of all you have done, he will forgive you. You must trust in him and he trusts in you. These may be words you tell yourself all the time, they may be words you tell others, they may have started to lose their meaning after years of saying them but they exist for a reason, because they are true, remember that.

While you are alive you will be forgiven if you ask for it. It could be a long road back to righteousness but the road is there. You are not the first to be tempted. Many holy people have but God is great because he will forgive you. Your guilt is the work of evil trying to take you away from God but in true God is always with you.

Try to reconnect to your children, do not care for social ranks. God does not care for money or rank. Love your children, that is the greatest gift you can give them, it is the same gift God gives us. What use are you away from them? what do they have now? No money and no father, when they could have no money and a father.

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