Pastor's texts to other women
by unloved wife
I discovered some very strange text messages on my husband's phone. He is the pastor of a church and he texts a man in the church who is having an affair. Earlier that day the man's wife had been on the phone for half an hour talking about the state of their marriage and saying she suspected her husband was having an affair. My husband texted her husband and said...'your wife has been on the phone, she doesn't know you have fallen in love with a very attractive woman. Don't say anything for now.'
The 'very attractive woman' also came to our church but I didn't know who she was or that she was having an affair with our church member...but my husband texted her later that day to say she and her child were very beautiful.
I then discovered another text where he was going to meet up with a woman for counseling. I do not know this woman, she is the friend of someone in our church. He did not tell me he was meeting her but when I asked about it (because of the text) he lied and said he met her with two other men from the church. However, I later found a message from him to one of the men who supposedly was with him and he was saying to him, 'She's a lovely woman, crying out for help.' He then texted the woman and said 'keep my number and call me anytime, I'm always here for you x'
Believe it or not, I was not snooping through my husband's phone. We have been in the ministry for 12 years, I never check his messages. I honestly saw the first one by accident, and then checked the messages to the woman he had met up with 'just in case...'
In the conversation he later sent to his friend about the woman he said to him, 'say hi to your most attractive and very sexy wife for me.'
When I asked him about this he said it was a joke.
Our sex life is virtually non-existent. I want to be intimate with him but there is nothing coming back from him, no conversation, warmth or care. I am emotionally ship-wrecked. I have tried to explain this to him, we have been on two marriage courses. The only way our marriage works is if I pretend that everything is okay and we carry on like business partners. If I express emotion or even dare cry he is very annoyed. He is a sulker too. He can go for days not talking to me.
Recently I discovered he has been looking at porn - but he says the three days that I caught him using it were the first time he had ever looked at it. When I challenged him he basically said 'big deal' and 'I'm not addicted.'
We only got over it with me telling him I have a tracker on his phone (which I do now) and pretending it never happened...or that it was indeed, 'no big deal.'
I am hurting.
I used to be a reasonably attractive woman myself, but in the past year I have gained 4 stone in weight...I have not been overeating or pigging out - I think its simply stress.
There is no one I can talk to. No one. Believe me.
The Lord has been very near to me but now I'm starting to feel very much on my own - I know it's just weariness and the enemy whispering lies into my ears.
My husband says he loves me, but he doesn't like me and he is sick of all my hurt and raking it all up time and time again so that every thing that he does wrong is brought under a microscope. I'm trying to just let it all go. I know I need to lose weight and start having sex more if I can persuade him to. It's just that I feel like I'm going mad. I just wish someone would put their arms around me and tell me that they're with me and they understand my pain.
I honestly am hurt - I don't think any of the comments above are appropriate for a pastor to say and it kills me that it is my husband saying them - but he sees it as nothing and says if I heard all his conversations I wouldn't like any of them. (?)
What shall I do? What shall I do?
Does anybody care?