Surrendered Credentials

by B

Last week, after 3 years on voluntary leave of absence I finally surrendered my credentials. I am, or will be when the action is formally approved, no longer a pastor. I am, as I have been for the past 3 years, a software developer again.

When I found myself in the corner of the shower crying uncontrollably wanting to die instead of leading worship on a Sunday morning, I knew it was time for a change.

This was the culmination of being beat-up by congregations for making difficult decisions (particularly financial), welcoming people who were out of the ordinary, and seeking to call leaders to account. In the process, I ignored my own weaknesses and started listening to the voices around me instead of the voice of the Lord. The final straw was being undermined as an associate by a senior pastor whom I believe was apathetic, passive-aggressive, and, ultimately, deceptive.

In the years since that pastor has retired, revelation of his misdeed have been brought to light by the new senior pastor. I have been told about these by others and have responded most times with "I know. I said something about that a couple of years ago." Perhaps not the most humble of responses.

My family and I are attending church again with some regularity, but are extremely guarded. I don't trust congregations and I have a very difficult time trusting clergy. The plight of another clergy friend doesn't help this -- he was silenced by another pastor through legal threats against his family.

I have a son I want to raise to be a man of God. I, too, want to recapture the joy of my salvation. I hope and pray I can find such a place to do (at least) those two things.

Until then I pray as I can and read scripture as I can. At times, I am reminded of the passion that drew me to ministry. Perhaps one day ...

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Pastor Burnout Stories.

Recent Articles

  1. Never Imagined

    Mar 02, 17 12:45 PM

    I have been in ministry for 15 years. When I first came to know Jesus I was on fire and could not get enough of the Bible, Christian books, or being at

    Read More

  2. Tithe competition, pastor relationships and boasting

    Mar 02, 17 12:42 PM

    I am a youth pastor/associate pastor at a church of about 200 people. Our lead pastor looks at the tithing record regularly, pays extra attention to those

    Read More

  3. God is speaking!

    Feb 15, 17 08:56 AM

    I grew up in a Christian Home. At the age of 10 years old I was saved and baptized. I became involved in the youth group and was involved until my first

    Read More