The most painful time of my life

by Miriam
(United Kingdom)

I am nearly 60 years old and been in pastoral ministry for 18months, after much thought and prayer and spiritual counsel my husband and I knew it was the right time to work alongside each other as oversight in the small fellowship the Lord led me to. I have to admit I did not want to go to this particular fellowship as it has encountered many splits and serious problems over the years. When I took up the ministry there were only 6 people that grew to 14 but not without problems, these addition were disgruntled Christians from other churches who brought a whole load of problems to our church. I gave everything I had in ministering to the church both spiritually and physically. But in Jan this year 7 of these people left, this didn't surprise anyone and to be honest it was a relief. But now they are influencing other people not to attend and now speakers/visitors just do not turn up or cancel. We have no musician so I have to play guitar and sing as well as studies/preaching etc.. I am totally burned out physically, mentally and emotionally. I have begun to doubt myself. I was diagnosed in 2008 with M.E. and after receiving prayer 3 years ago, my symptoms started to improve but now I am constantly at the hospital/GP with all kinds of physical problems. I am at the end of myself and scared how things are going to turn out. Sorry for the long post but its taken me a while to admit these things even to myself.

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