Tired in Tennessee

by Travis Boling

Over the last two years, I have looked at this website many times. There are so many stories on here that sound just like mine. I have wanted to tell my story on here but I haven't taken the time to do so. Well, here it goes.

I was saved when I was 14 years old. I grew up in an independent fundamental baptist church. However, my grandfather was lost and a Pentecostal preacher started visiting him. I really do believe my grandfather was saved and he started going to church where this man pastored. Just to encourage him, we started going to this Assembly of God Church. I was saved in bible camp in May of 1988. I know the Lord saved me. I remember the pastor's daughter- in-law, who was such a caring, compassionate woman, told me that day that she felt The Lord would really use me someday. About 10 years later, The Lord began to deal with me to preach. I ran for about one year and I finally surrendered my life to Him. I started pastoring when I was 27. I stayed at that church about 2 years. About 4 months later, another church wanted me to come preach. After about 3 months there, they voted me in at 100%. The church had been through some hard times, but I know the Lord used me to bring stability back to the church. Fast forward about 7 years. The atmosphere in the church was changing. I knew they were growing tired of me. Things were said to me that I would never say to my pastor. Things were so blown out of proportion that no matter how much I tried to bring peace, people were so hostile with me. After almost 8 years to the day, I resigned. Now it's been almost 2 years later and I am still in a fog. I'm depressed, I have no friends and it seems like the Lord has forsaken me. No one asks me to preach. Only my wife and little boy are my friends. I know I didn't do everything right at the church, but I know in my heart I preached the Gospel to those people and tried to love them. I didn't have an affair on my wife, I didn't steal any money, I didn't do or say anything vulgar or inappropriate to the women or young ladies. I just tried with the best of my ability to love those people as Christ would. Now here I sit dazed and confused. Sometimes I wish the Lord would have never called me to preach. I am 41 years old and this is all I know how to do. People say I preach far beyond my years. If God has given me this gift, why am I just sitting and struggling. It seems He never hears my prayers anymore. Sometimes I just want to die. Both of those churches were independent baptist churches. And both were filled with some of the most conniving, evil and malicious people I have ever met. I have asked God and myself 10,000 times what did I ever do to deserve this? Is this what I get for faithful service?

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