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need advice on a church member
by: Anonymous

I am in a new church (3 mos) and there is one lady who snubs me. She actually sneers when I make a comment. It makes me feel stupid and I know that I am immature in the church but I want to learn from it and this is an unpleasant thing that interrupts all of it. I have tried to speak with her to no avail. She looks down her nose like I am an insect or something dirty. I will be baptised soon and I do not want this in the way of that or anything else. I hear that her past church closed and she came to us as a result. We have a very small church and I guess her lst one closed down, leaving her stranded, My problem is that I am new and very sensitive tho I am trying not to be like that. How can I approach her to get through. I spoke to another church lady who defended her so now I wonder if I am making a bad name for myself by objecting to her behavior. i do not know what to do.

What do you do if a member of your church does not greet you
by: Anonymous

I honestly pray before i answer this one as I sense in my spirit a proud and haughty spirit coming from the pastor's wife.
Not that i am speaking against the woman of God , but we need to use a discerning spirit.
Allow the Holy Spirit to do some work on you Sis Pastor(be open to Him working out His purpose in you)..then when He is through with you He will allow you to approach the couple especially the wife who is also experiencing the same spirit. It is a manifestation of familiar spirits that i see coming through from both of you.
We are living in a time when the enemy will use anything to destroy the unity and the body of Christ, so like David declare a hands up ...search me oh God

Prayer Group
by: Anonymous

I go to a prayer group weekly. A new couple have come for several months. They greet others sometimes but never me. The husband is very strange. He lets his wife do all the talking. When I come, Isay "hello"; he cannot stand eye contact and immediately deflects his gaze away from me.

The wife monopolizes the group with endless details; afterwards, she again monopolizes the few minutes we have to socialize.

The two of them rarely pray out loud; yet they are privy to the very personal info of the group.

I finally had enough of this rude and selfish behavior last week when I told the leader to stop praying 90% of the time; that it was high time others in the group(namely, this couple)started to pray . I made the point that the Scriptures tell us to hold up others in prayer.

This woman was taken aback by what I said, but I honestly think she needed to be confronted. She did not apologize about not greeting me; she did not feel she had to pray out loud. So, I
have said , now, the same :I will not greet her nor her husband nor will I pray out loud from now on. Perhaps, in this way, these two selfish individuals will see their selfishness mirrored.

This woman starts to cry whenever things are not her way. This is manipulative and avoids the real point.

Ihad no intention of confronting thiuswoman; but Inow believe that God allowed it to happen. Selfishness is not pretty; it degrades the Body by frustrating people. It is hypocritical to pretend "love" if people will not even greet each other. There is no excuse for this!

Who has the power?
by: Rachel

We have been in a church for over a year.
I have experienced intermittent shunning from the pastors wife, this behaviour towards me has been so obvious that my husband is noticing, and we all know that men mostly do not percieve the intricacies of female relating!
At times, she will rush over and hug me effusively, mostly she walks past me, talks around me to others in the room with a loud voice, excludes me in converstional settings...
From the first she has taken an unusual interest in how I look, my hairstyle, whether I have wrinkles or not (!). I have been uncomfortable and mystified by these inquiries, and handled them humourously.
Why is this a problem to me, well it does effect whether others accept me, as the women in a fellowship do seem to take their lead by how the pastors wife relates to you, which is why what she does has the power to determine their attitude toward you. Some have repeated things about me and my family to me which only she knew, so its clear that she does pass information about me = gossip.
I am writing this to say that it can happen, most would be shocked to think of such behaviour from a person in position, but I am experiencing it. This (attitude and behaviour) does not bring her joy, but I do see that, while it does hurt me, other women support her no matter what because of her position. How would you explain to Lord Jesus, how you have gathered together a group based on shunning a woman in your congregation?

Return evil with good!
by: Bookworm

When she walks past you at the door, you say loudly,
'Hello there (name) - how are you?'
This forces her to acknowledge you.
If its shyness or rudeness or whatever this should break the ice and hopefully that will be the end of it.

If she really has it in for you she will get worse, but you should continue to very vocally be nice to her...that way she cannot gossip to others that you never speak to her, or that YOU are snubbing her. This is something that is quite frequently said by people who are rude - they try to turn the table.

Be wise. If she does start gossiping about you or blanks you even though you said a cheerful hello, then confront her - ask her nicely if you have upset her and give her the opportunity to voice what it is that is bothering her.

If you make some progress with her please feedback and tell us how you did it!

God bless

What to do with church lady who snubs you?
by: Anonymous

you have several choices. you can befriend her. she might be shy or she might be intimidated by you. you can invite her out for lunch or coffee. The former comment was pretty harsh. and authoritarian. i wouldn't take that tack. you can also ignore her. have you ever asked yourself why it bothers you so much she ignores or avoids you? not everyone is going to like you. lots of women didn't like me as the pastor's wife. It is one of the "perks" of the job. I found it a blessing being ignored by half the people. Cause, the other half just "fawned" over me and wanted incessant communication and attention. Seriously, I was never so burned out in all my life. I had some pretty serious snubs and I am sure quite a few women even hated my guts. No matter. I was always my wonderful self. You really can't get around some people not liking you. live with it. Part of the job.

by: Paddy Venner

HI - the answer is easy. You confront her and ask if she has an issue she'd like to discuss, and if she doesn't, that you have one you'd like to chat about. Ask her why she dishonours the gift ministry in the church, and who exactly she thinks she is, coming to your church which you lead with your husband and being rude to you. We have to get way more confrontational with immature believers - she can't be mature if she acts like this - and if she gets upset and leaves, then her actions give away her spirit and her heart, and you're better off without her. My wife had to do that and it led to us asking a family to go, as their attitude was like a virus starting to spread. If there is no honour of leadership in the house, God cannot bless the House, so you do the whole chruch a favour by confronting this nonsense. You have my support.

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