What is wrong with me?
Almost after every time I preach, the next day or so, I feel so ... off. I battle depressive thoughts like "am I really supposed to be a pastor?", "that wasn't a good sermon or a good word." or even "maybe I should give up, this is too much."
What is worse is I am not even a full fledged Pastor yet. I am going to college along with working full time and raising and caring for a family. I have the opportunity to preach every so often and I cannot imagine doing anything else in life. I know I have been called to do this and yet these thoughts are very real. I desire to see break throughs when I preach but have never seen it happen. I know God's Word will not return void and I know that it is He who does the work but I still desire very much to see fruit from my labor. Sometimes I feel like I am all alone. I know that God is always with me but aside from that, I feel alone. I feel like no one knows what I feel or even gives it a second thought. I feel like I need encouragement from my Pastor and/or people of leadership who know me but I receive none. It hurts because this contributes to the alone feeling.
I can't be suffering from burnout. I just can't. I haven't even started yet. What does it say of me if this is the case? It makes me doubt the calling I have on my life but I refuse to accept that as truth. There is nothing else in this entire world that I would rather do than preach God's Word.