widowed pastor staying sexually pure

I am a widower and a pastor. I have been dating a widow for about six months and recently we started having sex. Neither one of us want to do this, and we want to be pure before the Lord, but it has been very difficult. We have committed our relationship to the Lord, but when we are alone the desires for each other are so great. My intent is to marry her, but we need to get victory over these temptations before we can move forward.

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By His Grace
by: Bee

I commend you for your courage in sharing. Having said that however, is to also take note of the fact that once we sin, we not only seek to rationalise our actions but also look for safety in numbers to make us stay where we are.

While trying my best not to condemn you because we were all saved by His grace, I must however, point out to you that what you are doing is NOT acceptable. You are sinning, pure and simple. You both know it, and we all know it.And since both of you seem to have found a point of converging in sin, none of you can help the other.

Step away from each other's company, repent and get married if that's what you both want.

God's word has not changed so let's all stop sugarcoating things and call things for what they are. I too have my struggles and no matter how much I try to give them different names, I always know I have missed the mark.

Sin is anything you think, do or say that displeases God.

Are you really not sinning?

Be Anxious For Nothing
by: Cg

In 2015 while at an out of town funeral, I met a pastor who had been divorced since 1988.. We exchanged phone numbers. During early conversation He told me that his ex was confined in a nursing home. He never remarry and was still pastoring. I being in ministry myself and widowed accepted an invitation to dinner...I had happen to be in town for family reunion. I told him up front I'm from old school no kissing or sexual contact unless I'm married. His reaction shocked me after an attempt at a kiss....I refused it! Year later he happen to b n town for convention I went to dinner same response after dinner date no intimacy at all...sorry to say his ex wife passed away, as well as his brother n grandson all within 4 week span. A month later 2017 he was back in town to perform nephew wedding and invited me to b his guest. I accepted. . Prior to arriving to the wedding site and during a phone conversation about to end he told me he loved me. While at wedding I met his family They mention they heard a lot about me, which I was shocked since he was always given the cold shoulder from me in reference to any intimacy.. The evening wedding n reception was cut short being he had to leave to head back out of town for church following morning. Where we go from here only God knows, but women be anxious for nothing your self respect is all you have that you can truly control. You can do all things through Christ that strengthens you!!! Make men respect you!! Somewhere maybe not being said I earned his respect. What God has for you it is for you! If nothing else he'll leave respecting you in the way he would want his daughter, grandauhter, sister rev. To be respected!

by: Anonymous

My pastor's wife just passed two months ago. I am a member at his church. He just recently asked me if I would like to go to dinner sometime. I was shocked and very surprised.

Pastor Purity
by: Anonymous

Pastor Kelly,
I really feel for you because I hear the anguish in your voice. God is faithful. We all know we should always be honest with Him because he knows it anyway. For me, my wife of nearly 40 years with no kids went to heaven a few weeks ago very suddenly. I have no desire for a relationship with anyone, but I have recently struggled with masturbation and porn once. God hates sin and we condemn ourselves but there is mercy from the Lord. We must have accountability friends and partners to walk with us in these times. I am praying for you and you can pray for me my name is Jack.

Ask Yourself Some Honest Questions
by: Kelly

Dear Friend:

I am a pastor myself, and the advice you were given about going ahead and getting married is good advice. However, stop and ask yourself some hard questions, such as do I truly love this woman? Do we both truly want to spend our lives together? Is she supportive of my calling as a pastor and is she ready to take on the headaches and sometimes abuse a pastor’s wife receives from the congregation? Also, if you have children, grown or still at home, how will this affect your marriage?

I have a feeling you are sincere. You have not committed the unpardonable sin. As I said, be honest and make sure that once the excitement of the sex wears off you are still committed to each other. The success rate of second marriages is not favorable.

On a personal note, I admire you, brother, because if I was in your shoes I doubt I could have held out for six months. My wife is a cancer survivor and the radiation, chemotherapy, and surgery she endured scarred her physically and emotionally. Her battle with cancer also pretty much destroyed her sex drive. In a cruel irony, our kids are all grown, we have the house to ourselves, I could run marathons, and my wife has zero interest in sex. I think about sex all the time. I struggle constantly to resist pornography, but I often lose that battle. I fantasize about finding some willing woman to meet my needs. But that would ruin everything I have worked for as a husband, father, and pastor. I am a perfectly healthy middle-aged man and I am living a near celibate existence – and it’s becoming a real burden.
So, I will pray for you, brother, and I hope you’ll pray for me.

My thanks to you and all who read this for letting me vent so freely.



An Alternative
by: Daniel

When I do premarital counseling for a couple who have been having sex I generally ask two things.

1) Please stop engaging in sex until you are married.

2) Can we schedule your wedding sooner rather than later?

Perhaps it would be best to go ahead with the wedding - soon. That might give you the motivation to stop any further sex until after the wedding.

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