widowed pastor staying sexually pure

I am a widower and a pastor. I have been dating a widow for about six months and recently we started having sex. Neither one of us want to do this, and we want to be pure before the Lord, but it has been very difficult. We have committed our relationship to the Lord, but when we are alone the desires for each other are so great. My intent is to marry her, but we need to get victory over these temptations before we can move forward.

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by: Anonymous

My pastor's wife just passed two months ago. I am a member at his church. He just recently asked me if I would like to go to dinner sometime. I was shocked and very surprised.

Pastor Purity
by: Anonymous

Pastor Kelly,
I really feel for you because I hear the anguish in your voice. God is faithful. We all know we should always be honest with Him because he knows it anyway. For me, my wife of nearly 40 years with no kids went to heaven a few weeks ago very suddenly. I have no desire for a relationship with anyone, but I have recently struggled with masturbation and porn once. God hates sin and we condemn ourselves but there is mercy from the Lord. We must have accountability friends and partners to walk with us in these times. I am praying for you and you can pray for me my name is Jack.

Premarital Sex and Pornography
by: Beatrice Irangi

Well, thank GOD for this forum. I have been widowed for more than 10 years now. I am a Pastor's daughter and orphaned. The challenges have been ernomous. Twice I found Pastors who seemed to be in love and willing to marry me, but only discovered they were after sex and my money. I was really disappointed and cried back to the LORD who confirmed to me several times, you shall be Holy unto for I the LORD I am Holy. You must keep your body pure as the temple of the Holy Spirit because GOD is a spirit and to worship Him, you must do so in spirit and in truth. The Holy Spirit cannot dwell in an immoral body. It requires a pure body.


All of you who have fallen in this sin, repent and return to GOD. Avoid being just the two of you together in secret places. The only secret place you should is described in Psalm 91. Date within church premises and let your congregation know you intend to marry. Look for a Pastor with a higher anointing, confess and have him deliver you from this bondage. Once you are free, seek GOD's opinion and the blessing of the older and more anointed Pastor.

Both of you should seek GOD's face in prayer and try fasting to know GOD's opinion about the two of you. If GOD says it should be, then seek the Pastor's guidance and have him bless you before the congregation. Involve your parents and pay dowries or want demands go with the marriage. If the Pastor agrees to bless you before the congregation and gives you permission to live together while waiting for the wedding, go ahead and do it.

Remember, if things are not transparent, curses are not broken, repentance does not take place, this will have a greater implication on your congregation and can scatter your sheep.

As for pornography, it is sad for a man of GOD to watch pornography. It is a demon that roots deeper and you will need really deliverance from an anointed man of GOD. Please stop if you can and ask GOD to take care of your desires (put them to hold) until such a time your wife recovers. You can also pray for her desire to arouse. Everything is possible. GOD can replace any part of our bodies with all the spare parts from heaven.

Finally, I would recommend for both of you to watch Prophet TB JOSHUA, Emmanuel tv; and Prophet Jeremiah Omotto, Christ Mercy Land tv for deliverance and learn more how these wicked spirits operate.

Be overcomers and stay in prayer. The LORD is faithful and can do it for you.

Ask Yourself Some Honest Questions
by: Kelly

Dear Friend:

I am a pastor myself, and the advice you were given about going ahead and getting married is good advice. However, stop and ask yourself some hard questions, such as do I truly love this woman? Do we both truly want to spend our lives together? Is she supportive of my calling as a pastor and is she ready to take on the headaches and sometimes abuse a pastor’s wife receives from the congregation? Also, if you have children, grown or still at home, how will this affect your marriage?

I have a feeling you are sincere. You have not committed the unpardonable sin. As I said, be honest and make sure that once the excitement of the sex wears off you are still committed to each other. The success rate of second marriages is not favorable.

On a personal note, I admire you, brother, because if I was in your shoes I doubt I could have held out for six months. My wife is a cancer survivor and the radiation, chemotherapy, and surgery she endured scarred her physically and emotionally. Her battle with cancer also pretty much destroyed her sex drive. In a cruel irony, our kids are all grown, we have the house to ourselves, I could run marathons, and my wife has zero interest in sex. I think about sex all the time. I struggle constantly to resist pornography, but I often lose that battle. I fantasize about finding some willing woman to meet my needs. But that would ruin everything I have worked for as a husband, father, and pastor. I am a perfectly healthy middle-aged man and I am living a near celibate existence – and it’s becoming a real burden.
So, I will pray for you, brother, and I hope you’ll pray for me.

My thanks to you and all who read this for letting me vent so freely.



An Alternative
by: Daniel

When I do premarital counseling for a couple who have been having sex I generally ask two things.

1) Please stop engaging in sex until you are married.

2) Can we schedule your wedding sooner rather than later?

Perhaps it would be best to go ahead with the wedding - soon. That might give you the motivation to stop any further sex until after the wedding.

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